Words of Wisdom: Adrienne Hollister Interviews Coach Reg

Fractured, Not Broken: The Relationship Wellness Podcast

Welcome to the sixth episode of Fractured, Not Broken: The Relationship Wellness Podcast. I am Reginald D. Smith, relationship expert and founder of RU Coached.

I recently had the distinct pleasure of being interviewed by podcaster and relationship expert Adrienne Hollister. Adrienne is the host of the podcast Midlife Craving. Together, we had an enlightening discussion during one of her podcast episodes, which covered the topics of dating, relationships, and knowing when to let go.

Dating

Early in the podcast, Adrienne asked me a universal, yet perplexing question: how do you meet people you may want to date?

This question does not have one easy, quick answer. Yet, the simplicity of the answer can be surprising. If you are seeking to expand your dating life, you can start with a few basics like being open, presenting in a friendly manner, and letting conversations unfold naturally, not in a scripted way.

It’s not always easy to present yourself at your best. Other people certainly don’t always show openness to being approached. If the person who is attractive to you is not receptive, please do not feel like you have been stung. Try to move on to another common space where a sincere “hello” is met with a sincere “how are you?”  Remember, with good timing and a positive attitude, there are always other relationship possibilities on the horizon.

Speaking of rejection, this is a common experience that individuals have in all types of relationships, not just in romantic ones. Rejection comes from the perception of negatively hearing the word “no” in response to your attempt to connect.

You may have reached out to someone you did not know is in a relationship. You may not have known that the person is grieving a loss. Try not to be so hard on yourself by realizing that when the other person declined your offer to go out, you saved time on both sides. Consider the phrase “the answer is the answer” and respond with acceptance.

Relationships

During our interview, Adrienne told me a story. When she was spending time with her daughter one evening and braiding her hair, her daughter asked, “how do you know when you are in love?” Adrienne’s daughter was referring to falling in love with someone. She knows why she loves her mother and other people in her life. However, the grown-up love experience was fueling her question.

I shared my insight into this question with Adrienne during the podcast. Romantic love is unconditional love. As Adrienne put it, when you love someone who you care about, you are all in, regardless of his or her flaws.

I expanded on these thoughts by saying that in a loving relationship, you need to be smarter than the moment. When you are upset with your partner, resist the temptation to lash out and say something that saying you are sorry cannot fix.

Loving your partner means that you will self-manage and get your emotional intelligence right. When you are in love, you have built a foundation and a safe space to discuss any problem openly with your partner.

Sometimes Letting Go

If you are in a difficult relationship, you probably want to communicate better, but you may not know how. Even the best communication strategies can fail to repair a fracture or a series of fractures over time.

Sometimes when a relationship turns difficult and remains that way, you just need to let go. If you feel that the last argument was the last straw or if you sense that the life of your relationship has come to an end, perhaps it’s time to move on. Your partner may still matter to you, but does the relationship still serve you? Please know that it is okay to choose to let go when that seems to be the only option. Your gut, or your intuition, will be your guide.

In conclusion, when it comes to matters of the heart, have the courage to trust your feelings. When your heart and your mind are aligned, you will achieve the peace which you seek and deserve.